Searching for answers

I did not mean to go so long between posts but for the past month I have sat at my laptop night after night hoping that, against all odds, I would be flooded with a dose of inspiration. But it hasn't happened yet; and chances are that it will not happen any time soon. It's been a rough month, not just for myself but for the whole country. A lot has happened here and none of it was good. It's a long story, but in an effort to keep it as simple as possible (and also because political discussions are not my forte) I will just say that  four years ago the people voted in a new political party. While in government, this party systematically incapacitated the different institutions necessary to ensure separation of power and the proper functioning of democracy. It did this by, to put it prosaically, lining the palms of  many with silver - many times over, and placing buddies and 'persons of trust' in positions in which they have no business to be. Evidence was also brought to light that high ranking officials in our government, including the Prime Minister himself, were involved in corrupt practices and money laundering. An election was called, a year early, and the people voted to return these crooks to power. I have been trying to come to terms with this decision. I have been trying to understand why human beings can be so perverse at times. Unfortunately, I am still without answers and I doubt I will ever find them.

As many of you know, I can usually be found tightly ensconced in my own little cocoon, surrounded only by the people and things I love; the little world I retreat to in an effort to regenerate myself. I do not usually stray out of it for very long. But, during the past months, I have had to. I have had to stop and take a good, long look at the outside world. And the sight that met my eyes was not pleasant. In some ways, I am still reeling from the shock. I am finding it very hard to get back to my safe cocoon. Truthfully, I don't think I have quite found my way yet and I feel like someone who is in the wilderness - even the gentle buzzing of words in my head has ceased. Instead of my little dream world, inhabited by half-finished stories and jumbles of sentences, I am forced to acknowledge the harsh reality that my fellow countrymen and women have either not understood what is going on or, worse, they have and they just don't care. Either way, I have to revert to who I used to be before this whole debacle turned the world as I knew it, the world where right is right and wrong is wrong, on its head.

Maybe I am not being entirely fair but, right now, I feel as if a dark cloud hangs over this small country. Whereas before all this started I sought out the things that made me smile  and soothed my soul - the pretty, quirky, quaint things - now I can only see the blemishes and the scars; the potholes in our roads; the rubbish that people leave indiscriminately anywhere and everywhere; the inconsiderate drivers; the general lack of manners. It makes me feel that the island I so loved to write about has changed beyond recognition and I have become a stranger in my own country. It is not a good feeling. But now that I have got all of that off my chest I will try to find my way back home again.